written on; Friday, July 29, 2005

9:25 PM |
lol.im finally blogging.
after 6 mths liddat.
cant seem to be in the mood to blog.
no mood.no time.n nutting to write.
jus feel so restricted here.


so my life's the same.
waking up.going sch.coming home.slp.study.
can my life gt anymore boring?
i wonder hw much longer can i hold on.
hw i wish Os is over
den i can hit the beaches everyday n tan.
n my mum will hab nutting to object me den.
or mabbe i go work.im broke.c first lahh.
fer now,jus trying to struggle wif my studies.
n im really struggling.
arg,i nid some study partners to motivate me.
bt den agn i can only study at home.
my mama wans to SEE me study den she happy
im grounded in a way.
Poor nanny,hab to suffer wif me.Sorry
i cant even go fer a swim.
ARGGH!
her reason:cos it's nt holiday.so i cant go out.all becos of olevel.agn.
it's jus swimming.even if i din go fer swimming.im still slping.
so y cant i go?
so i guess dere goes my charlie n the choc factory mobee
ppl,after watching the mobee, tell me kaes?
haiz.i guess it's fer my own gd.n she's nt working well in her job too.
shldnt i try to understand her situation?
bt i cant even handly my own life.
i've no more energy to bother abt anything le.
im tired of being optimistic. wen all i noe im jus tryin to escape reality.
i cant face the truth.i dun wan.
reality hurts.
bt afterall optimism cant hide my disppointment,my sorrow fer long.
my real feelings will surfaced.it's juz a matter of time.
n im looking forward to dat day,when i finally break down.
lol.
(hey nanny,u c le dun come comfort me.dun cheer me up.cos i really cant. i dun wan to give u a fake smile and say im alright,cos im nt)
mabbe i nid time alone bah.
mabbe i'll be alright after sometime.i always do.


im dreading the days wen i take back my prep prelims paper.
i did badly.very badly.
cant believe im so stupid.
if time cud turn back,i wldnt allow myself to make such a mistake.
Arghh!
i nid some courage n optimism.SERIOUSLY.DEPERSATELY.
can someone give me?


i need a new specs,a new bag n a new swimsuit.mama,can u buy fer me?
i bet a thousand dollars.her ans will be no.as usual thou.
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I left a blackened tear.
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